Well, this is my 200th post.When I started this blog I was only posting a few things a month, and it was just about things that happened every now and then, and it's come very far from that. I talk about more than just my day-to-day life; I talk about my feelings and my struggles with food, exercise, and my weight. I talk about the things I make (though I haven't made much lately because I'm SO FREAKING ADDICTED to Plants vs. Zombies). I talk about things that scare or worry me. I talk about my family. I bring up a few old memories, of things good and bad. It's just MY space, and I feel more and more that I can do whatever I want here. There are a few things I probably won't talk about, since I'm trying to keep this at a PG or PG-13 level, but for the most part I'm becoming more open.
My favorite part of all this is the friends I've made out there in the internet. I love this little community that we've all worked so hard to build. I feel as if, just maybe, I'm finally contributing to it in a meaningful way. It's also a good way to keep in touch with old friends and family members. I love that Kwiddens reads this, and I wish I could get Mim to read it, but she's so freaking busy...oh well.
I'd like to think that my writing is getting better as well. Maybe. In high school I took AP English and Literature classes, testing out of freshman English and Composition classes in college, so except for the occasional paper here and there in my generals, I haven't written properly since high school. I know this doesn't count as writing properly, like writing research papers and essays, but I think that this is a good exercise in learning to describe my world more accurately, and more colorfully, and that's worth something.
I had journals when I was little, but I stopped writing in them because Kwiddens would read them and then make fun of me for something I had written, and back then I couldn't handle that. It's really a shame because I know there are a lot of things that I wish I had written down back when they were fresh in my mind. I started keeping a journal on my laptop freshman year of college, and I had a blog then as well, but Mim and I had a huge fight over something I had said on my blog (I told the world she was crazy, and it was true, but she hadn't come to terms with it or gotten medication yet so that didn't go over too well), so I threw a hissy fit and deleted it (yay, maturity) (I was 17) (I can't believe how dumb I was when I was 17) (or even 18), and of course I wish I hadn't because that was almost an entire year of my thoughts, just gone. As for the journal I kept on my laptop, an ex-boyfriend hacked into it and read all of it behind my back...that relationship didn't end well. Soon after that my laptop was stolen so it was all gone anyway, and someone, somewhere, knows all my secrets. Awesome.
Anyway, that's a roundabout way of saying that this is something I've done before, but I think now I'm finally doing it right. I do censor myself a little, but it's not because I'm afraid someone or other will stumble across this blog and find out that I hate them anymore. Now, it's because there are people I care about that do read this and I would love for them to continue reading this unoffended.
I really feel now that this is my space. Mine. I can say whatever I want here, and I know that the people that read this either know me personally and love me no matter what (because I'm super awesome) (or something) or they don't know me personally and live far far away and if I say something that they don't want to read they can just stop reading. Everyone wins. I think I've come a long way from where I started...two years ago there's no way in hell I would have told anyone I was bipolar, but I've changed so much.
That's something else I enjoy about blogging. I can go backward in time and see what I wrote months, or even years, ago, and see how things have progressed. I can go back and reminisce about the way things were once upon a time, and that's why I sincerely regret that I stopped journaling and blogging before.
But I'm fixing that, as much as it can be fixed, anyway.
Anyway, I love blogging, and I love my bloggy friends, and that's about it. Now let's see how long it takes me to get to 300.