Friday, October 28, 2011

Text Time 20

Jorg: I hope you're having a good day!
Me: Um...mostly. I just ran out of Argon again.
Jorg: How crucial is Argon? Are your machines working?
Me: Nope.
Jorg: Typical!
Me: I know! The Universe is being all tricksy...
Jorg: It's probably Loki.

K: Is it still okay if I bring my kid over tonight for you to babysit?
Me: Yep! We'll grab a keg or two and invite some bikers and hookers over. PARTY TIME.
K: Wait...will you babysit me too?

Kwiddens: Isaac's mom is cleaning in preparation for Isaac's dad's birthday dinner. Grunting and groaning. I refuse to help because I don't respond to grunts.

Me: Maybe I can has cheeseburger for lunch if I eat just green beans for dinner...
Kwiddens: Why don't you have a cheeseburger and then a normal dinner and take a walk?
Me: Mebbe.
Kwiddens: That way you're not depriving yourself and your body won't be like WTF?!
Me: Haha, my body's always like WTF!

Kwiddens: I think there should be certain services available to perioding women
Me: Such as?
Kwiddens: Somebody who will bring you pain meds, ice cream, whatever foods you're craving, do chores for you, etc.
Mim: On call firing squads w/ pickup duty...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Open Letters 3

Dear Blog,

Why aren't you more fun to write? Probably because my life is boring right now. But don't worry; Halloween is coming up and there's always a post about that, and Scott is talking about starting the basement this weekend, so there will be many posts about that as well.

Love,
Your Pathetic, Boring BlogMama


Dear Scott,

I can't even tell you how proud I am of you and all the amazing things you know how to do. You're downstairs right now making blueprints to submit to the city to get a builder's permit so we can finish the basement, and I can't be more pleased. We've been saving for many months and I think we're ready to take the plunge. Besides, Jorg still owes us several hours of work, so we might as well milk that for all it's worth! It'll be awesome to have that finished so we can then get all the flooring put in. We'll be one step closer to having a real house with walls and floors and everything! I'll try to help as much as I can, and I'm sure you'll teach me lots of new things about how things should be built.

Love forever,
Wifie (Who Will Have An Actual Laundry Room)


Dear New Coffeemaker,

I bought you because I realized how much money I was spending on coffee every morning, and how many paper or plastic coffee cups were going into the garbage, and how it's quite obvious that I've become a daily coffee drinker. You only cost me about $20. I picked you over the $14 coffee maker because you make five cups instead of three, and you're black and stainless steel like the rest of the appliances in my kitchen. You're super fast and I can program you to make coffee while I shower in the morning. I even bought two kinds of coffee to try out and some of that fancy flavored creamer. Throw some Stevia in and I'm a happy, caffeinated morning person (almost). You even make my house smell good in the morning (though Scott doesn't appreciate the smell like I do, so he might hold a grudge against you, but don't worry, it's nothing personal).

Thanks for waking me up,
Caffeinated Anna


Dear Frederick The Animatronic Skeleton,

Why don't you just dress yourself? I mean, I just don't want to do it. I will, though. I have until Monday. But I better have it done before that, because we need to be able to troubleshoot if something doesn't work out. I just really don't appreciate that you've been standing in my living room, staring at me while I do other projects. Glaring at me isn't going to make me pay attention to you!

Love,
Someone Who Sucks At Sewing


Dear Kwiddens,

I can't even believe how amazing you are. I needed you desperately and you came through for me. Li's wedding is in December and I needed a bridesmaid dress...you know how I get when I shop for clothes. It gets ugly. Hyperventilating ensues. But you saved me, and the most amazing thing is that you found me a dress, a shrug, and shoes, all in the space of about four hours, and all for under $200. YOU. ARE. AMAZING. You even helped me find a dress that flatters my figure. Now all I have to do is find a bustier sort-of-thing to squish my fat into a more appealing shape, and voila, I'll be super hot and ready to go. I owe you big time.

Love,
Your Chubby (And Now, Less Anxious) Sister

P.S. Can you help me figure out how to put makeups on my face? I'm a little rusty...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Why Is Life So Complicated?

So yesterday I mentioned that I had been crying the day before. Yay. I feel like I want to talk about why, and who better to talk to about personal issues than the internet?

So when I was younger I kept a diary off and on, but for the longest time I didn't because Kwiddens used to read my diary and tease me about the boys I wrote about liking. James Bacon, 5th grade. Yes, his name was Bacon. THANKS, KWIDDENS (Just kidding. I love you more than puppies, and yarn, and ice cream!). Anyway, I stopped writing for a long time.

But Kwiddens didn't. She wrote down a lot of the things we went through when we were younger.

On occasion, here on this little blog, I've mentioned a rotten childhood. Many, many factors went into this, but one of them was having a mother who was bipolar, but didn't know she was, and so wasn't taking medication for it.

I feel it's important to explain something: I DO NOT BLAME MIM FOR ANY OF THIS. She knew there was a problem. She went to psychiatrist after psychiatrist, and tried SO MANY medicines, and nobody saw that beneath the depression and anxiety there was bipolar disorder, which was the biggest problem of all. Mim did everything she could to try to make it better, but what was she supposed to do when none of her doctors could figure it out? In fact, if I want to blame anyone, I could blame Jason, because, as a psychiatrist, HE SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT. Maybe he didn't because he never came home, or because he spent all his time giving us all the silent treatment. I don't know. But I really think he should have figured it out.

But here's the truth: she would totally lose it. And I'd have to deal with the consequences. I feel jealous that Em and Jorg didn't have it as badly as Kwiddens and I did (there's a five year age difference between Kwiddens and Em), because when I sensed her mood swings coming on, I was able to get Em and Jorg out of the house, thereby shielding them a bit from the worst of it.

I don't want to go into specifics about things she did to us (not yet, anyway...maybe some other time), but Kwiddens wrote a lot of it down in her diary.

When Mim's new psychiatrist realized what was going on, he put her on Lamictal, which led to me getting on it, and it changed both of our lives for the better. For the best, really...

Part of the healing process has been not only medical, but emotional. There was a point when I never wanted to talk to or see Mim ever again. I was hurt that badly. But these past four years in particular, we've bonded over so many things, and while we did, we've talked over a lot of things.

She knows that sometimes I get angry because of the things I've been through, and sometimes I'm angry at her, but I still don't blame her. When I remember something that happened, I tell her about it, not to make her feel guilty, but because she honestly doesn't remember the things that happened, and she wants to be aware of what happened. It's the same with Kwiddens. And through this process, we've all made progress in leaps and bounds. We're all still quite broken, but we're getting there.

Anyway, so the day before yesterday Mim was at Kwiddens's house, and they were looking through some of Kwiddens's old diaries. After she left, Mim called me and of course, she was crying, and she apologized again for the way things were. She told me that she would be proud of me even if I'd come from a perfect family and home life, but with the way things were, she was just extraordinarily proud of how far I've come. She reiterated how much she loved Scott and how happy she was that I have him. I told her again that I knew it wasn't her fault and that I love her so much. The whole thing made me cry.

And then, when I was snappy with Scott, I was crying because sometimes I'm terrified that my mood swings will get out of control and I'll ruin this amazing thing Scott and I have.

Terrified.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Mixed Nuts

Frederick (animatronic skeleton) is almost done. The mechanism that moves his head around is done, and the cauldron-stirring mechanism is done, but hasn't been tested with a creepy-looking stick yet. I need to dress him, but I'm not quite sure what to do...I bought some brown burlap that I intend to shred up a bit and line with black tulle so you can't see through it for a creepy cloak-like thingy. I think I need to go back to Hobby Lobby to get some plain black fabric to use to cover his front. The trick will be making it look real without impeding the motion of the arms or head.

I finished my green sweater! I haven't washed and blocked it yet, so no picture, but I'll get it done eventually. Here's the thing...I'm not sure I like the waist, and I'm tempted to rip it out and redo it. I think I'll bring it to knit night and ask the ladies what they think.

I'm back to working seven hours a day again! I am ECSTATIC about this.

There's a pattern trending called the Beekeeper's Quilt, and it's knit out of tiny little hexagonal units called "hexipuffs" (YES, IT'S THAT CUTE). My knitting group has decided we're all going to knit some and put them all together to make a quilt and then donate it.

Since I've finished my sweater (unless I decide to change it...), I've pulled out my pink/red/purple Babette blanket again. I'll make another quarter of it before I start any new projects (hexipuffs excluded, since that's a group project).

I made a tuna sandwich the other night. Don't ask me why; I usually don't care for tuna. I just got this weird craving (and no, I'm not pregnant. I'm just a weirdie.). In order to make it tastier, I added Ranch dressing seasoning into the mix, and HOLY YUM THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA. Do it. Do it now.

Kwiddens: Do you ever look in the mirror and think "I look hideous"?
Me: All day long.
Kwiddens: I effing hate it. I feel like Helga. Pronounced with a phlegm.

I snapped at Scott yesterday without even realizing it, and I hurt his feelings, and I didn't mean to, and I felt so bad I started crying (although to be honest, that wasn't the only thing I was crying about), but Scott reassured me (while I apologized profusely), saying "Even if all you ever did was snap at me, I'd still love you, and I'd still have it better than 99% of guys out there." Because he's an angel.

I'm craving ice cream AGAIN. And the other day I was craving fried chicken, which is something I've never had a craving for before (except directly following Popeye's commercials).

Damn. Now I want Popeye's. The only one around here is on the Air Force base, though, so I'd have to convince my friend with a husband in the Air Force to go get it for me...

Friday, October 14, 2011

Text Time 19


Kwiddens: I hate PHS.
Me: ?
Kwiddens: Pissy Husband Syndrome
Me: LOL I love you!
Kwiddens: Tee hee

Mim: Even the tutors in the math lab say "Times it by 4".
Me: That's so gross.
Mim: I don't know how much more I can take.

Scott: Sorry...
Me: For?
Scott: That you don't feel well and that I am a bad hubby
Me: You are a wonderful hubby!
Scott: Maybe it is the painkillers
Scott: Sorry...I feel like...a bad hubby...not hanging with you



(Scott gets overly apologetic when he takes narcotics...)




Kwiddens: I had to stop Rachel from putting a finger of melted ice cream in Nyah's mouth just now.
Me: Come over. Bring Nyah baby. I promise I won't put things in her mouth ;)
Kwiddens: Haha, okie.




Me: I don't know what to get E and J for Christmas
Mim: Coal
Me: Are they being bad?
Mim: Not necessarily
Me: Ok.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Yarn Hop 2011

My knitting group organized a whole day of yarny goodness a few weekends ago. We had hoped for a better turnout than we had (only six of us went), but we all had a great time anyway! We visited eight yarn stores in the Salt Lake area. I like to support local businesses when I can, so I wanted to get a little something from each shop, but I only found stuff I wanted at six of them. Well, that's not entirely true. I did see things I wanted at every shop. But I was trying to be good, and I knew Scott was watching the bank account online while we were shopping...

When we got to the first yarn shop on our list, it was still a few minutes until they would be open, but what do you know, there was a bakery right next door. I had the best cinnamon roll I've ever had. It was mouthwateringly good! We also stopped in the middle of the day and had lunch at this cute little shop where I had a most delicious chicken caesar wrap and an Italian soda. And we all had coupons for it!

All together I ended up spending about $180, so I think I won't even let myself look at more yarn for a while...but look, I took pictures of all my new pretties!

This one is a muted peach/purple color. I never thought peach and purple would go together, but since they're so muted it works well. I'm thinking socks here.


I saw the sparkles and I couldn't help myself. Scarf, probably, maybe a gift for someone.


This is such springy sock yarn, and it's less orange and more pink than it looks on this picture.


This one is a skein that matches a blue one that one of my knitting friends bought, so we decided we'd do a sock KAL (knit-a-long) together with it! We haven't picked a pattern yet.


This is made of bunnies, and was half off.


These have some alpaca and silk in them, so they're super soft. Plus they were on sale.


And I had to get some Noro on sale. It's laceweight. I have no idea what I'll use it for, but it's going to be gorgeous!


And there goes my yarn budget for A WHILE. I need to find some special yarn for a wedding shawl I plan on making for a dear friend, but other than that I think I will try not to buy any more yarn this year. TRY.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Week Six: The End!

Monday 10/3
My computer was still not connected to the network.
The part for the ICP-OES came, but didn’t fit properly, so ICP-OES was still down. Coworker used ICP-MS as backup again.

Tuesday 10/4
I got a new computer!
ICP-OES still down. Coworker still using ICP-MS as backup.

Wednesday 10/5
Three men working on ICP-OES all at once, but they still don’t get it fixed. Coworker used ICP-MS as backup again.

Thursday10/6
ICP-OES fixed!

Friday 10/7
The end!

Keep in mind that the entire time C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS was down, Coworker was running all of their mineral assay tests as well. CRAZY. Both of us were putting in major overtime.

Some of our outside clients were okay with heavy metals results on the ICP-OES, but the majority just waited until our ICP-MS was back up, leaving me with a giant pile of samples that had accumulated over two weeks. Catching up was a BITCH.

But it's over!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Week Five: A Zen State

Monday 9/26
O.P.P. 34, C.I.D.H.F. 30, Other 11, TOTAL 75
Argon wasn’t delivered until 12:30 p.m.
Once we got Argon, the ICP-OES wouldn’t start up. REALLY. Service engineers couldn’t come until Tuesday. Coworker used ICP-MS as backup, which put me a bit behind.
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Tuesday 9/27
O.P.P. 24, C.I.D.H.F. 5, Other 22 TOTAL 51
Technician came to work on ICP-OES. He had to order parts, so couldn't complete the repair. Coworker used ICP-MS as backup again.
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Wednesday 9/28
O.P.P. 25, C.I.D.H.F. 19, Other 4, TOTAL 48
ICP-OES still down, waiting for parts.
Coworker was using ICP-MS for backup still, so I had to run my outside samples the next morning.
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Thursday 9/29
O.P.P. 32, C.I.D.H.F. Fixed (0)!, Other 9, TOTAL 41
We bought a new HPLC, and to make room for it, so Coworker was moved into my office. In the process, my computer lost all access to the network, our databases, and the internet.
ICP-OES still down, waiting for parts.
Coworker still using ICP-MS for backup, so I had to run my outside samples the next morning (again).
At least C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS is working now. ABOUT FREAKING TIME.
Friday 9/30
O.P.P. 17, Other 6, TOTAL 23 (Happy Friday!)
My computer was still not connected to the network.
ICP-OES still down, waiting for parts.
Coworker still using ICP-MS for backup.

To be continued...

(Only one more...)

Monday, October 10, 2011

Week Four: At This Point It's Funny

Monday 9/19
O.P.P. 20, C.I.D.H.F. 54, Other 17, TOTAL 91
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Tuesday 9/20
O.P.P. 26, C.I.D.H.F. 27, Other 6, TOTAL 59
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Wednesday 9/21
O.P.P. 19, C.I.D.H.F. 32, Other 3, TOTAL 54
Had to make and run a longer method to include another metal (added an extra 20 minutes to the calibration).
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Thursday 9/22
O.P.P. 20, C.I.D.H.F. 24, Other 8, TOTAL 52
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Friday 9/23
O.P.P. 31, C.I.D.H.F. 32, Other 5, TOTAL 68
Ran out of Argon partway through my run. Both ICP-MS and ICP-OES run on Argon. Praxair couldn’t come until Monday, so we were just stuck. Some of our testing was left undone.
C.I.D.H.F. receives the part they were waiting for for their ICP-MS. They install it and it immediately breaks. Go freaking figure.

To be continued...

(There are only two left. Bear with me.)

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Week Three: Really?!

Monday 9/12
O.P.P. 35, C.I.D.H.F. 54, Other 29, TOTAL 118 ARE YOU SERIOUS
Our ICP-MS was fixed late in the day (YAY!).
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down. Samples run on our ICP-MS overnight, now that it was working.

Tuesday 9/13
O.P.P. 29, C.I.D.H.F. 26, Other 7, TOTAL 62
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Wednesday 9/14
O.P.P. 33, Other 3, TOTAL 36
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down (but they didn't send any samples this day).

Thursday 9/15
O.P.P. 18, C.I.D.H.F. 5 (4 already dissolved), Other 6, TOTAL 29
I went home sick halfway through the day.
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

Friday 9/16
O.P.P. 23, TOTAL 23
I was home sick all day. My boss didn't run any samples from other clients (so left them all for Monday...).
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

So the middle of this week was relatively normal...and then I got sick.

To be continued...yet again.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Week Two: The Saga Continues

If you find these too tiring (or just boring or dumb) you can skip them. I won't be offended, I promise! Mostly, I wanted to chronicle this for myself. Oh, happy memories!


Monday 9/5
Day Off! Sat at home worrying about work the next day…

Tuesday 9/6
O.P.P. 17, C.I.D.H.F. 2 (rush testing), TOTAL 19 SAMPLES
ICP-MS computer fixed, but then the plasma wouldn't light! I called tech support and they had to schedule a service visit. The Technician couldn't come for two days.
C.I.D.H.F.'s ICP-MS went down. They needed two samples rushed, so we ran them on our backup method overnight on the ICP-OES along with my regular samples.

Wednesday 9/7
O.P.P. 21, C.I.D.H.F. 2 (rush testing), TOTAL 23 SAMPLES
I missed this day due to a family emergency.
Since the ICP-MS was down, my boss had to run the Hg tests on the DMA, but the data wasn’t saved (wonderful IT guys came in and rebooted the computer without saving) and I had to retest all of them the next day.
Our ICP-MS still down, so my samples were run overnight on the ICP-OES again.
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down, needed 2 rushed on ICP-OES.

Thursday 9/8
O.P.P. 20, C.I.D.H.F. 85 (already dissolved), Other 14 (2 sent out, retested later), TOTAL 105 SAMPLES HOLY CRAP
ICP-MS technician came. Had to order parts. My samples were run overnight on ICP-OES again.
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down. Samples run on our ICP-OES backup method.

Friday 9/9
O.P.P. 22, Other 8, TOTAL 30 SAMPLES
ICP-MS parts arrived, but technician could not complete repairs in time. My samples were run overnight on the ICP-OES.
C.I.D.H.F.’s ICP-MS still down.

To be continued...yet again.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Week One: So It Begins...

Thursday 9/1
O.P.P. 24, Other 8 (8 were later sent out to another lab for testing, but the results came back high so I ended up re-testing them later anyway), TOTAL 32 SAMPLES
Our ICP-MS computer wouldn’t boot up. My samples were run on the ICP-OES after Coworker completed his work on it, so I didn’t have results until the next morning.

Friday 9/2
O.P.P. 28, Other 8 (6 sent out, re-tested later), TOTAL 36 SAMPLES
No word from IT department about ICP-MS computer. My samples run overnight on the ICP-OES again.

Now, if things are working properly, 32 or 36 samples is not a big deal. When you're using backup methods, however, it makes things take a lot longer than they usually would.

To be continued...

(I broke this saga up into several posts because it looks like a maze all together in one place. Breaking it down by weeks makes it SO much easier!)
(Plus then I have posts for several days...)

Thursday, October 6, 2011

September: The Month That Wouldn't End

First, in order for you all to understand what a month September has been for me, I’ll outline how my job usually works. I’m sorry if this is all too technical, but in order to understand why September was so sucky, you’re going to have to bear with me. I'm color-coding a few things to help you keep it all straight.

Usually I come in in the morning and start weighing out samples for testing. From Our Production Plant (O.P.P.) we usually get somewhere between 15 and 35 samples (sometimes more or less) for heavy metals testing. From Company I Do Hg For (C.I.D.H.F.) (Hg=Mercury), I usually get between 10 and 25 samples for Hg testing only (again, sometimes more or less) (and during this whole series of posts, I won't be talking much about the Hg samples). From other outside clients, I usually get 10 samples or so (but there’s the occasional client who will send me 20+ all at once, bless their hearts…). So, on a usual day, we’re talking between 25 and 60 samples for heavy metals testing and 10 to 25 samples for Hg testing (but these aren't very important in the story to come). Remember these numbers.

Normally, I run Hg on my DMA (Direct Mercury Analyzer). If this instrument is down due to either malfunction or regular maintenance, I can use my ICP-MS (Inductively Coupled Plasma-Mass Spectrometer). If I’m not there, then for simplicity’s sake my boss just runs Hg on the ICP-MS (and doesn’t do any testing for our outside clients unless it’s a rush). If the ICP-MS is down, then we just can’t do Hg testing (well, technically we could do it on the ICP-OES (Inductively Coupled Plasma-Optical Emission Spectrometer) but it takes two days to prep the samples for that method, and then there’s a special equipment setup…basically, it’s a pain in the ass). For other heavy metals testing, I usually use my ICP-MS. If this instrument is down, we have a backup method on our ICP-OES that works for most of our own products. There are a few interferences, so for the samples that don’t work on the ICP-OES that we really need results on ASAP, we usually send these samples over to C.I.D.H.F. and since our companies are friends, they will run those few samples for us on their own ICP-MS, and when their instrument is down, they send us their samples, so it’s a you-scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours sort of thing. Also important: Coworker runs mineral assays on the ICP-OES. When it’s down, the ICP-MS is the backup for his testing.

Calibration on my normal ICP-MS run usually takes about 50 minutes (sometimes more or less, depending on the method I need to run for the day), and after that each sample takes about 3.75 minutes to run. Every ten samples, I need to run a QC (quality control) sample (or two, or three, depending on the method) and a blank.

So let’s say I’m having a totally average day and I have 40 samples for heavy metals testing. That’s 50 minutes for calibrating, 150 minutes for samples, and 45 minutes for QCs and blanks. 245 minutes = roughly 4 hours. If I start my run around 10:30 a.m., I can get off of work at a normal time. I usually work 7 hours a day. Most days, I don't have to share the ICP-MS with anyone, or I can at least finish all of my work before anyone else needs it. If I absolutely need to, I can let it run many, many more samples overnight.

And that’s how life normally is in my lab.

To be continued…

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Open Letters 2

Dear IT Guy,

Thank you for taking three and a half days to get my computer connected back in to the network at my lab. I spent the duration using other people's computers to do things I should have been able to do on my own, much more quickly, without waiting for others to be done with what they were doing.
Also, thank you for deleting three years' worth of emails. I have now lost all of my contact information for the other companies I work with and lots of things I can't even think of right now.
Thanks, however, for Windows 7. Pretty fancy, I suppose.

Love,
A Slightly Peeved Employee



Dear Pinky Finger On My Left Hand,

Somehow, in the middle of the night, the nail ripped right off of you. I tried to get back to sleep, but it kept hurting, and then it felt all warm and sticky...I went to the bathroom and put a band-aid and some of the fancy pain-relieving Neosporin on it, and went back to sleep. All freaking day I kept bumping it against stuff, which hurt pretty badly. Oh well. I'll live.

Love,
Someone Who Might Not Knit For A Few Days...Sigh...



Dear Scott,

Thanks for using all the fingertip bandages. Also, I really hope you get better soon. Being sick super sucks.

Love,
Someone With An Ill-Fitting Regular Bandage On Her Left Pinky



Dear McDonald's Employee,

I asked for the size fries that comes with Monopoly pieces. If I'm going to spend the money and rot my arteries, I want the damn Monopoly pieces. If I didn't win a million dollars today because of you, I'm going to key your car.

Love,
A Customer Who Thinks You Should Do Your Job Better



Dear Kwiddens,

Last time you asked me to write you a letter. Here's a letter!
Kwiddens, you and your friendship (and sistership! if that's even a word...) mean so much to me, you just don't even know. My emotions, as you know, can be quite volatile, and it makes things oh so interesting, but no matter what's going on I can always count on you to be there for me, whether I need a rant or a hug or a freaking ginormous ice cream cone.
I hate that you live 40 minutes away from me (and that's if traffic isn't too bad) and I love The Bebby, but I hate that your being a mommy puts limits on our time together. I suggest she age a few years THIS MINUTE and you move five minutes away from me RIGHT NOW.
I also suggest that we become wizards.

Love,
Sistafwend!