Saturday, February 5, 2011

It's Totally Legal

To some, sleep is refreshing. Sleep is a break. Sleep is necessary time off. Some people think sleep is a waste of time; I think those people are crazy.

For me, sleep is more than all of that. Sleep is a non-chemical means of escape. Let me explain:

As most of you know, I was raised Mormon. While I do believe this screwed with me quite a bit, it did keep me out of trouble. I was so unhappy that I'm sure that if I didn't have that strict, religious upbringing  I would have gotten into drugs. Don't get me wrong; I'm definitely opposed to illegal drug use, for many reasons. But sometimes I can totally understand where druggies are coming from. Escape can be totally awesome.

I am fortunate enough to have been born at a time when modern medicine has figured out...well, medicine. My daily regimen of psychotropic medications is a force to be reckoned with, but even so, there are days when I still feel like I'm just not handling things. This is where Klonopin comes in. Klonopin is a magical friend. It calms me. It helps me slow down my breathing and my thinking and helps me focus and get back into control. And I admit freely that I enjoy taking it when I need to. Actually, if I take a full dose, it makes me kinda loopy and makes it really easy for me to fall asleep for a good, long time. Alcohol does the same thing. And Benadryl. Nyquil, as well. Basically, I'm in love with anything that'll knock me out cold. I ONLY USE LEGAL STUFF. And I'm glad things in my life are good now because my coping mechanisms include fooding and sleeping, and I'll take something to help me sleep any day of the week.

If I'm asleep I don't have to think about anything. ANYTHING. I have dreams, yes, but my dreams very rarely have anything to do with reality, so I don't really dream about things I'm worrying about. Mostly, I dream about dinosaurs (I love this about myself). It's a way for me to check out for a bit. I know things will still be there when I wake up but for a few precious hours I can ignore whatever I want and nap.

I would be totally afraid to use some crazy illegal drugs because I would be out of control. I know that if I take Nyquil, I will be completely in control, because I know I will be pretty much comatose. I'm a total control freak. Out of control = out of my mind. And I would like to stay in my mind, thank you very much.

So if I'm sleeping a lot, don't be worried. It's just my alternative to crack.


magnolia said...

oh, do i know that feeling. sleep is the best drug there is. when it's missing, i will do just about anything to get myself there. wine is usually my favorite method, but benadryl or nyquil comes in second.

this scares the man a little. he'd rather i not use chemical assistance to sleep. but really, sometimes, there's just no alternative...

Anna W said...

It's not like I'm addicted or anything. If I needed it to sleep I would admit I had a problem.