Bath Tub Bebby!

Since it's been a while since we've seen some Nyah pictures, and she's getting so big, here we go!

We even have a theme today!

Check out the fugly bath tub in Kwiddens's apartment:

Fortunately, it has now been resurfaced.

She's going to kill me someday when she turns into a moody teenager and finds out I posted pictures of her naked all over the internet...

Oh Look, More Pills...

So I'm just going to quickly update you all on my medical conditions as of late. Because you totally want to know. Ok, really, because I feel like complaining to a sympathetic audience.

A few weeks ago I had my sinus apocalypse, then I took antibiotics, and after a full course, it has mostly cleared up. Mostly. I think what's left is just allergies. The headaches are gone, so I'm happy about this. WIN.

Easter Sunday we decided to go get a late lunch at Red Lobster. I don't think the food I ate was bad; I was probably just having a bad IBS sort of day, and, long story short, I spent all of Sunday night in the bathroom instead of sleeping. I had to take Monday off because I was so dehydrated, tired, and sore. FAIL.

I'm prone to getting UTIs when I get dehydrated, and I get dehydrated very easily, so I make it a habit to drink 3-4 liters of water every day (and yes, I prefer liters to quarts; I'm a scientist. I'd completely switch to metric if it were up to me). HOWEVER, when you're in the bathroom that much, it doesn't really matter how much you drink. You're going to feel the effects of dehydration. So, I started having UTI symptoms on Monday. FAIL.

Sometimes when this happens, I can really push fluids for a few days (and take Azo in the meantime) and it resolves itself, but NOT THIS TIME.

Aside: taking antibiotics can cause yeast infections. This can happen at the same time as a UTI. EPIC FAIL.

You can see where this is going.

IT HURTS TO EXIST.

I went to the doctor today and got another course of a different antibiotic, plus Diflucan.

And that, my friends, was my day.

How was yours?

Drugs! Cheap!

Scott works for a software company whose product is a web-based medication tracking system for assisted living and skilled nursing facilities. They work in the same building as, and as partners with, a pharmacy.

This is amazing.

Here's why:

Since the two companies work together (and are owned by the same group of investors), we get benefits! Whenever we need over-the-counter medications, like Tylenol or Benadryl or whatever, the pharmacy orders it in for us. We get it the next day, and it's at cost. That means that the pharmacy doesn't upcharge at all. They just make us pay for what they pay (wholesale price).

Here's an excellent example: I've been suffering from a number of symptoms the past few days, most of which I won't go into right now, but one of them is urinary pain. LOVELY. So, I needed some Azo. Walgreen's has a box of 32 for $9, but I got it from our pharmacy for $2. I FREAKING WIN.

And the pain's gone, too!

Seriously, like I really wanted a UTI right now.Again.

5,000 Questions: Part 1

I found a 5,000 question survey! I'll be using this on occasion when I can't think of anything else to write (or when my entire body is being ridiculous and I'm too tired to think).


1. Who are you? 
I'm Anna! I am a knitter, a chemist, a wife, a dog-mommy, a sister, and a daughter. I love science fiction, yarn, more yarn, music (especially Enya and Tori Amos), and my husband (actually, he's totally at the top of the list).
2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? 
I think diamonds are a waste of money, I sometimes have mood swings (so you better watch what you say to me) (just kidding, I'm medicated), and I will defend my loved ones to the death.
3. When you aren't filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? 
I'm either at work, sleeping, yarning, and occasionally, exercising. Not so much the last one lately.
4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn't like at the time). 
I loved everything! I'm a huge nerd! I love learning! I even love homework (in moderation...). However, I always mega sucked at history...
5. What is your biggest goal for this year? 
I want to get back in shape. I'm not optimistic.
6. Where do you want to be in 5 years? 
Roughly where I am now, but with another house to flip and maybe another dog.
7. What stage of life are you in right now?
I'm in the HOLY CRAP I'M A GROWNUP stage.
8. Are you more child-like or childish? 
Occasionally I'm child-like.
9. What is the last thing you said out loud? 
"It's okay, sweetie!" (Scott tripped over my laptop cord and unplugged it)
10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? 
Um.
11. Have you ever taken martial arts classes? 
Yes, actually. I took Karate when I was younger.
12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? 
I think some things get better, some get worse, and it all balances out. There were times in my life when things just kept getting worse and worse, but things are nice and steady now.
13. Does time really heal all wounds? 
No. But it sure does help.
14. How do you handle a rainy day? 
I don't "handle" it at all. I love rainy days! Rainy days mean staying inside with a blanket and hot cocoa, watching Stargate.
15. Which is worse...losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? 
It's the strangest thing, but I find untangling things to be very soothing. And I'm really good at it (especially yarn knots).
16. How is your relationship with your parents? Will you miss them when they are gone? 
With Mim, things are fantastic. I'll just die when she's gone. With my dad, well...we just don't talk. I think when he's gone, unless things change, I'll feel a little bit sad, then move on.
17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? 
It depends on what I'm up to. Most of the time I'm a little oblivious...
18. What is the truest thing that you know? 
I will always regret eating ice cream (intestinally, that is), but I will always eat it anyway.
19. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A chemist. Oh look, it worked!
20. Have you ever been given a second chance? 
Too many times to count...and most of the time I'm sure I didn't deserve it.

But Kashi Is So Delicious!

Lately I've almost let go regarding healthy eating. I say almost because I start off each week wanting to be healthier, so I pack lunches for Scott and myself so we won't go out to eat, where the portions are generally ridiculous and the healthy choices are rather limited. Then Thursday rolls around. Thursday is treat day at my lab, where we take turns bringing in something delicious to share. So on Thursdays, I know I'm going to have a treat, so I don't pack a lunch. Today was seven layer dip. Heaven. And then on Friday, I didn't pack a lunch the day before so I get lazy and think, "It's okay for us to go out for lunch. It's Friday!" Then, the weekend happens.

This isn't to say that we haven't been doing a lot better lately than we were before, especially on weekends, but still...I feel like there's work to be done.

Baby steps, right?

Anyway, along with the healthy-eating-half-of-the-time, I've been trying to see my body in a more positive light. When I went clothes shopping a little while back, I bought clothes that were actually my size, which is a big deal for me. I had put off buying clothes for the longest time because I was thinking, "I'll buy clothes when I've lost weight. That way, I won't have wasted money on clothes that are too big for me later." The problem is, obviously, that I haven't lost the weight. I'm starting to think maybe I won't. And if I do, it's going to take a damn long time, so I should probably avoid nakedness in the meantime.

It blows my mind that on different days I can look in the mirror and see two completely different people. Some days, like today, I look in the mirror and see someone who, yes, could stand to lose some weight, but really isn't as big as she feels like she is. A few days ago I was in the bathroom at work and looking in the mirror and I wanted to see how big I really looked, because we all know that when you look in the mirror you see yourself as bigger than other people see you. So, I took a picture of myself with my phone. I didn't look as big as I thought I did. And that felt good.

Then, I have those days when I avoid mirrors, because I feel like if I see myself I'll be tempted to starve myself or exercise obsessively or something else that would do more harm than good.

I've been better about bingeing lately. I've tried to avoid eating when I get upset, and I'm trying to listen to my body and let it tell me when it's hungry. It seems like my problems are no longer emotional, but habitual. Now that things in my life are pretty good (well, there's always something, but it's all relative), I don't feel upset very often at all. But I've been so used to eating inappropriately pretty much my whole life that it's habit now. I eat too much. What I eat isn't all that unhealthy most of the time, but eating Kashi GoLean (YUM) in the mornings isn't going to help as much if I'm eating twice as much as I'm supposed to. I just love feeling full. And I feel hungry all the freaking time, no matter if I undereat or eat normally. I don't know how to stop that.

I suppose all this means that my eating disorder has morphed into a new kind of monster.

The sad thing about all this is that I have no idea when it started. I do remember one time in seventh grade, weighing 80 pounds, and looking in the mirror while I was wearing my swimsuit and absolutely loathing myself because of how "big" I was. I was 11 years old. And I know there are women out there for whom it started even earlier than that.

Pollen? Virus? Who Knows?

At first it seemed like the antibiotics were working. I felt like I was clearing out, and it was a whole new world of smells, let me tell you. I drove to work and the second I stepped into the building I was caught completely off-guard by the intensity of the stench. Usually, I can smell it a little bit for a few minutes, but then my nose gets used to it and I don't smell it any more, but now that stuff can actually get in there to get smelled, WOW, I had forgotten how smelly my lab was. No wonder Scott keeps asking me to take a shower.

Anyway, so it seemed like I was clearing up, but now I'm just not so sure. I'm still taking Sudafed constantly, and it helps a little, but I can't take it at night because it keeps me awake, so by the time I wake up in the morning I'm miserable all over again. So I'm thinking that it's either viral or allergies, both of which antibiotics don't help at all. LAME. And my intestines are just so pleased about taking them, too.

So what am I supposed to do? Sudafed until I die? Cleansing my sinuses (yuck) didn't seem to help at all (plus it was unpleasant), and there doesn't seem to be anything else I can do. So, I'm permanently snotty, I suppose. Lovely.

It's Like Wearing Clouds

I actually finished these a few weeks ago, but as you've probably noticed, I'm not blogging a whole lot lately. BUT, here they are! The lovely knee socks! Now, I have no idea when I will ever have occasion to wear these, but I think they're gorgeous so I kinda don't care.

These took a LONG time, but I really liked the project most of the time. I did have a couple of weeks in the middle where I didn't want to work on them, but once I got the hang of the pattern they actually went pretty quickly.

I did make a few modifications to the project: I added an extra repeat in the calf and added an extra decrease as well (apparently the pattern was written for very short people with tiny calves), and I continued the pattern onto the foot (but without the bobbles, so they would fit inside shoes more comfortably) instead of ending it at the ankle. They're really soft and silky (probably because there's silk in them...).

Now that these are out of the way, I've started a pair of purple socks for Kwiddens and a sweater that might be for me, but might be for Mim, because I can't decide if I'm selfish or not. I'm making it in a dark teal color. It's going to take forever...

Neti Pot Nast

Yesterday after work I sucked it up and made a doctor's appointment. Fortunately, they were able to get me in that afternoon, so I didn't have to wait or pay a higher copay to go to Instacare. The doc I saw was really nice. I always like when they're nice. Anyway, he confirmed that I do, in fact, have a textbook sinus infection, and gave me some antibiotics to try. He said it might be viral, though, in which case they won't help me at all. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm to keep taking Sudafed and he gave me a Neti Pot to try...

Um, eew.

Cleaning out my nasal passages? AWFUL. First of all, it feels like when you're in the swimming pool and you get chlorinated water up your nose and it burns and burns and burns and you feel like you might as well die because it would hurt much less. Then, after it's done and drained out and all that, I continued to feel like I was drowning in a chlorinated pool until I went to sleep an hour later (and falling asleep while your nasal passages are burning takes a lot longer than you'd think).

I have a sneaking suspicion that if I use distilled or filtered water next time it might be a bit better, but I'm still very grossed out and I did not enjoy the sensation one bit. And to top it all off, I didn't really feel like it helped all that much. The pressure in this case is mostly in the forehead and eye sinuses, not so much the nose ones, and the Sudafed takes care of the nose ones. BUT, I'll try it again tonight because I am so desperate for some relief. These headaches NEED to stop or else I'm going to have to TP that doctor's house.

Can you believe some people do this to their nose every single day? Nutters, the lot of them.

Anyway.

So: antibiotics. Lovely. I'm sure my IBS will be very happy about this for the next 10 days...

Can I Go Back To Sleep Yet?

Earlier this year (maybe January or February sometime) I had a little cold. It wasn't terrible; I still went to work. I was just extra tired and more than a little snotty (TMI, too bad). The cold went away soon enough but the snot lingered. Lovely.

This happens every year. I get some sort of mild bug, and then when the rest of me is just fine again my sinuses hold on to the bug like it's going out of style. I deal with it for a couple of weeks months and then finally suck it up and go to the doctor. I take a course of antibiotics and VOILA, I'm good to go (until next year...).

The problem is that this time I'm not sure if that's what it is. With the bizarre spring-winter-spring-winter-spring-winter-spring-HAHA FOOLED YOU-winter that the weather has been doing, I'm wondering if it might just be allergies. I'm allergic to everything. I take Claritin every day, year-round, and it takes care of most of my symptoms, but in the spring it gets a little worse with the pollen. I can deal with that. But this is a little more extreme...and the weather's been a little ridiculous...so is it allergies or a sinus infection?

I'm taking Mucinex around the clock. I'm having a hard time sleeping at night, and so my days are all a little hazy (unless I amp up on massive amounts of caffeine). Mostly, I'm tired of the headaches.

I KNOW it's my sinuses; I just don't know why. If I go see a doctor and it is an infection, I get pills and go on my merry way, but if it's allergies, there's nothing they can even do and I've gone and wasted a co-pay. Lame.

Shopping Just...Sucks: Scott To The Rescue

Where was I?

Oh yeah, sobbing hysterically in my bed.

I cried for a while. I don't even know for how long. But I had stopped by the time Scott got home from work. He came upstairs and said, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Hiding..."

"From me?"

"No, from the world..."

"Did you go shopping?"

"Yeah...I bought a bra...and then I lost it in the middle of the mall."

And then everything came pouring out, and Scott, being the superhero that he is, told me to take half a Klonopin and then he would drive me around to other stores and be there for moral support while I tried again. I took my magic "calm the heck down, dude" pill, and waited a little while for it to kick in, and then off we went.

We looked through one store...no luck. But I felt better, because I was half-stoned, and because I had my very best friend there, who loves me very much no matter what I'm wearing, just following me around with the cart. In the next store, I found a shirt (green polo with pockets, so not really "fashionista" but still not a tee shirt)! It fit! It looked good! It was even on sale! We went to Famous Footwear next, and I found the perfect pair of shoes, also on sale! We went to Ross next and I found TWO shirts(one black tank with asymmetric shirred details all over, and a striped tank with an attached black sweater)! We went to Kohl's next and I found another shirt (spring green, fitted, collared)! We went to Walmart and got underpants and socks and another pair of jeans (that actually fit) and I was done for the night.

Conclusions:

• Scott is not only a superhero, but my good luck charm.
• Malls suck. Outlet stores are awesome.
• Maybe I should start wearing makeup, too...

Now, the question is: am I brave enough to try again?

Shopping Just...Sucks: Panic Attack

Yesterday I cried. I cried harder than I remember crying in years and years and years. I was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe, and I felt like crying wasn't even expressive enough for what I was feeling.

Rewind:

I hate clothes shopping. I've been putting it off for a long, long time. All my clothes I wear now are pretty worn out, or don't fit, or I just don't like them anymore. I have nothing nice to wear, since my wardrobe consists of tee shirts and jeans. We have a family thing to go to this weekend, so I knew it was time. Scott was encouraging me to go shopping, and wanted me to get anything I wanted or needed, because let's face it: I'm a grownup, and I need to dress like one. Tee shirts and jeans are fine for working in my lab, because I hate wearing a lab coat and my clothes often take a beating. But after work and on weekends, I really need to put a little more effort into my appearance. I really should start wearing some makeup, but I need to take this one step at a time.

So yesterday morning, I made a plan. I psyched myself up to where I was excited about it. I knew what stores I wanted to hit, and roughly what I wanted to get at each one.

Right after work, I started at Victoria's Secret. I knew this would be fine, because I knew what I wanted, and it only took about 20 minutes to get in and get out of there with what I needed.

It was after that that my problems started.

I've been to Downeast Basics before and found shirts I really liked there, so I didn't anticipate any problems. I made the mistake of going to the one in the mall instead of the other, larger one in my town, so there wasn't much of a selection there, and that was a bit discouraging. Oh well, I had the entire mall left, right?

Next I planned on going to Maurice's. Everyone I've talked to has said their jeans are awesome, and I wanted to get one nice pair of jeans for weekends. Like, a pair I would spend more than $15 on. I had been on their website earlier in the day, and there were so many cute things that I was planning on trying on. I walked around the whole store, and all the things I liked only went up to a size large. Boo. So, I tried on jeans. I like higher-rise jeans, because all the lower ones show too much bottom in the back (I have yet to find a pair of jeans anywhere that doesn't have this problem to some degree). So I grabbed a pair of their highest-rise jeans, and oh look, my butt was hanging out the back. Suck. So that was the point where I started feeling...panicky. It wasn't too bad; I was able to hide it from all the people around me.

I stopped in to a few more stores, and there were a few places that had shirts I loved, but once again, they didn't have my size. Finally I took a deep breath and went into a plus-size store, hoping their smallest size wouldn't be too big. I didn't even try anything on; everything in there looked like grandma clothes, and I'm only 25, so...yeah. All this time the panicky feeling was getting a bit worse.

I was parked outside of Macy's, so I headed back there, and decided to stroll through the clothing section there, and same thing...and at that point I lost it. I felt like tears were about to come, and I was getting short of breath, so I all but sprinted out to my car, and as soon as I was in with the door shut I just started sobbing. I couldn't stop. It was awful. I just wanted to get home as soon as I possibly could, so I drove home (fortunately only about a mile away), let Buster out, and then went up to my room and just collapsed.

•  I couldn't find things in my size. Most stores had XLs, but just not in the specific shirts I was interested in. My main problem is my chest. I'm big-busted, and clothing manufacturer's don't take into account the fact that as women get bigger, their chests get bigger, too, so all the things I was able to get my chubby self into were completely wrong proportion-wise.
• I was in several dressing rooms. Dressing rooms, as we all know, have terrible, harsh lighting, and they're small, so you're right up in front of the mirror, and I was feeling particularly bloaty, and I looked at my giant stomach and hated myself more and more by the minute.
• I went shopping right after work, so I was in my work clothes, meaning jeans and a tee shirt, and my hair was up in a plain ponytail, and I wasn't wearing makeup, and when I came into each store, instead of asking what they could help me with, all the associates seemed to be...ignoring me. Now, maybe this was all in my head, but I couldn't help but feel like I was being ignored because I wasn't looking "fashionable". Ironically, I probably had deeper pockets than most of the pretty girls they were helping.
• My plan wasn't working. The specific stores I went to for specific things didn't have the specific things I wanted. When I make a plan, I need things to fall into place, or it adds to my frustration.
• It all felt so hopeless. I hate my body. I know I haven't been doing the things necessary to get it where I want it to be, such as eating well and going to the gym, but I'm just so depressed about it that I feel like I don't even have the motivation to try. A small part of me doesn't care, and thinks it shouldn't matter what I look like, and that part has been taking over lately. But not yesterday. Yesterday the part of me that just wants to starve myself came out, and that didn't help at all.

All these things together were what made me lose it in the middle of the freaking mall.

To be continued...

It's Eclectic!

On weekends, I generally feel incoherent, so this is what you get.

• This past week was awful at work because my ICP-MS was acting like it had suddenly grown a massive tumor on its motherboard (if it even has a motherboard) (maybe it was on the octopoles, I know it has those). Nothing that it was doing made ANY sense whatsoever. Usually when something's wrong it talks to me, and depending on what it tells me I can diagnose it and fix it and we're on our merry way again, but this time NO, it made no sense at all. I spent an entire two days trying to figure out what what going on, and by the end of the second day I was in tears (it doesn't help that I broke a nebulizer, which is expensive). I left work and when I got back in in the morning, my boss had magically fixed it. STUPID CONES, you didn't even tell me you were sick, so how was I supposed to know that you needed a bath?!
• Maverik has a new magic milkshake robot. No joke. You stick in a prepackaged shake mixy thing, whatever flavor you want, and the robot makes it into a milkshake, and you can even choose how thick you want your shake! Scott didn't like his, but I liked mine just fine. BUT, $3 is a bit steep for a milkshake of that quality, even if it is mixed by a brand new super cool milkshake robot.
• Petsmart had adoptions today, and we've been thinking for a while about getting Buster a friend. We saw one dog we really liked, and when we took her out of her crate she immediately fell in love with us, and according to her profile she was already housebroken, and very docile, and very smart, and she even looked like Buster a little bit (fluffy face, etc.). So, we went home and got Buster to see if he would get along with her. I think after a little while Buster would have been fine with her, but as soon as she saw Buster she lost it. This wasn't "Oh, you're a strange dog, I think I'll bark"; this was "I will kill you. I will rip you apart, starting with your jugular. I will bathe in your blood. I will eat your soul!" I mean, this was some pure hatred we witnessed. So...we tried a different dog, and after a few minutes they didn't mind each other, but apparently this one needs to be crated when people aren't at home or else he'll rip your whole house apart. Since I don't believe in crating dogs, we passed on this one. Oh well. It was a nice thought. (I'm disappointed, because the first dog was seriously the sweetest thing and I fell in love right away. Boo.)
• There's a woman at work who is apparently very reserved, but I didn't know that, and I thought she didn't like me. I was told, however, that she was talking about me the other day and was saying that she thought I was just so sweet. This made my day. Actually, it made my week.
• Why does driving home after work on Friday feel different than driving home after work any other day?
• I went through a brief non-knitting stage this past week. I think I was just so upset about work that I couldn't focus on anything in particular, and the gorgeous knee socks I was making require constant attention. I'm past this phase, though, and I'm in the middle of the foot now, so I'm back on track. I really need to finish this pair so I can start a pair I promised Kwiddens like a year ago, so I can then use the sock yarn I bought that is lots of colors and so soft and squooshy!
• I have an inexplicable crush on Bam from Jackass. I can't explain it; I just think he's adorable.
• I desperately need to go clothes shopping, but I don't have the money right now. I get paid on Thursday though, so I think next weekend is going to be a shopping weekend. Oh, how I hate shopping!
• We had yearly reviews at work. I did just fine, and got my raise. I also got this rocking hoodie with our lab's logo embroidered on it. I think maybe I was supposed to have been wearing it at work, but I took it home so it would stay nice. Scott then called me a nerd. I probably deserved it.
• I think in the Zombie Apocalypse, Scott and I would be just fine. We're both really good with guns, and we've seen enough zombie movies to not make the same stupid mistakes everyone else does.

Electrons DO Exist. Really.

One of my favorite classes in college was second semester p-chem, taught by Dr. A. It was basically an intro to quantum mechanics (and the first chem class I took in college was an intro to an intro to quantum mechanics...).

For those of you who don't know, quantum mechanics is a freaky, freaky thing. In order to understand it, you have to take giant leaps of faith and know some ridiculously complicated math, but once you get there, you feel this strange mixture of awe and confusion.

Anyway. Dr. A. was very good at teaching this, and very entertaining, which is a must when you're wandering into the realm of astoundingly bizarre weirdness. One of my classmates recorded many quotes and compiled them at the end of the semester, making a copy for every student. I came across my copy while I was cleaning out my yarn closet a little while ago and thought it might make for a good post, so without further ado:

 Dr. A.'s Pearls of Wisdom

"Quantum mechanics doesn't care about classic forbiddeness."

"If you know the answer, it makes it a lot easier to solve for it!"

"Now that we have a family of functions, all we need are some dependents. Oh my goodness, is it tax time already!?"

"We cannot exactly solve for the orbits of the planets around the sun, but we can get good enough that we can crash a probe into Saturn."

"Finding energies and Eigenvalues is all a matter of letting others do the work!"

"Aromaticity is shorthand for not wanting to do the quantum mechanics."

"Quantum mechanics is all about cheating...that's not to say that p-chem class is all about cheating..."

"...Then they developed mode-selective chemistry, which sort of almost works."

"It is kind of breaking the rules, but not in a bad way..."

"Virtual isn't that different from pretend."

"Don't ever try to look up these postulates anywhere, because I invented them last night."

"E to the negative big goes to 0!"

Student: "Wait! I just had an epiphany: electrons don't exist!"
Dr. A.:  "No, they do exist."

Dr. A.: "With this approximation, we're 38% wrong."
Student: "Doesn't that mean we're 62% right?"

"Since we only have a two-dimensional projector, we're going to throw away some dimensions."

"I wasn't going to be happy with the number 50, but then I remembered that 1 + 4 = 5!"

"Next year I'm going to find a way to teach symmetry so it doesn't suck so bad."

"Symmetry's all about making tables of things."

"Quantum mechanics ultimately only cares about squares."

"Always the right Hamiltonian is going to be...the right Hamiltonian..."

"Rotational spectroscopy is sort of a boutique industry..."

Student: "When is an electron in a hydrogen atom in a p orbital?"
Dr. A.: "If you put it there."

"SE is a method in which we decide to trade off reality for convenience."

"6.022 x 10^23: it's actually something you'd name an internet search company..."